Florida. One mess of a state, isn’t it? Florida is a state that practices “abstinence only” sex education in their schools. That’s why I wasn’t surprised when I read about the group of teenagers who believed that drinking Mt. Dew and even BLEACH would help them prevent pregnancy and STD’s such as H.I.V.

No, actually drinking bleach will make sure whatever comes out your other end is crisp, white, and April fresh.

I don’t want to tell anyone how to run a state, and maybe I’m old fashioned, but if they want to make sure their kids aren’t having sex at a young age, couldn’t they just do what I did? If you’re a teenage boy, the mullet is a fool-proof form of birth control. It worked for me at least.

And I’ve got to think that if Florida wanted to keep their teenage girls virginal, an acid wash jeans come back could be the trick.

Other items I used to prevent myself from having sex:

My 1975 Dodge Dart

Denim jacket and shorts ensemble

Zoobaz

Waterbed

Sega gaming console

“Skid Row” poster

We should help Floridians by donating all of the crap that used to not get us laid. We’ll all be able to sleep easier knowing less Florida teenagers are doing shots of Clorox.

Today’s the last day of voting in the latest round of Rochester Insider’s Rochester Radio Madness. Looking for your votes. Get in before 7:00 tonight!

Big thanks to California Rollin’ at the ferry terminal. A bunch of us went out for a MASSIVE sushi feast last night. We particularly enjoyed their “Wasabi Bombers”. I was so intrigued by what made them so wicked, I had to get behind the bar to learn more.

If you’re a fan of the band Boys Like Girls, listen to me tomorrow after American Top 40 ends at noon. I’ll have FREE tickets for you to win for their show at Alfred State. Also, next week, tickets for Panic at the Disco. Hardcore fans will notice they have dropped the “!” from their name. Perhaps in the future they’ll consider new punctuation. Panic? At the Disco would be more fun to say. Anyways, like I said, if you want FREE Panic (?) tickets, listen to PXY every afternoon.