I didn’t watch the Mtv Movie Awards last night.  Or last year.  Or the year before that.  Go ahead and throw in the Mtv Video Music Awards as well.  Sorry.

Honestly.  Has anyone else noticed that Mtv is one giant commercial?  It’s been this way for years.  There’s a word for what the MTV Movie Awards are.  That word is-infomercial.  And the only infomercials I like to watch have Billy Mays as your host.

Maybe I’m on to something.  Billy Mays hosts the MTV Awards from here on out…

“ZAC EFRON! YOU NEED A HAIRCUT? YOU NEED THE FLOWBEE!”

“MAGIC PUTTY WORKS SO WELL, IT EVEN SEALS HEIDI MONTAG’S MOUTH!”

“THAT TEA-BAG BRUNO JUST HIT EMINEM WITH IS A MESS.  CLEAN IT UP WITH KABOOM!”

I got a well deserved beating this morning on Spezzano and Sandy.

Here’s the timeline, and why this was not a good Mother’s Day for your boy…

Midnight Sunday morning-Sandy drives us home from Carson’s wedding (congrats, guys!) after I apparently had one too many

12:30 am-We do our best as a couple to get Sandy into labor.  You know what it is…

6:30 am-I wake up with a screeching headache.  Proceed to down 2 ibuprofen tablets.  This would prove to be my undoing.

7:15 am-I leave to pick up my daughter and niece at Sandy’s sister’s house.  I then pull over to hurl in the Olympia restaurant parking lot.

7:30 am-I have the girls in tow.  Still with a headache that would kill an African Elephant.

7:40 am-Lie down.  Sandy is not happy.  No breakfast in bed.

8:40 am-The girls are demanding cereal we don’t have in stock and Sandy is craving crepes.  We need heavy cream.  I’m off to Wegman’s.

9:05 am-I have cereal heavy cream and a need to puke again.  I do so just as I pull into our neighborhood.

9:06 am-Sandy, disgusted with her choice in a husband sends me to bed to sleep it off.

Now, I did surprise her with flowers on Friday night.  I got her a nice card as well.  Additionally, I presented my mother-in-law with a thoughtful card, and did make Sandy her crepes later in the afternoon.  So, all in all, i think I rebounded pretty strong after a shaky start to Mother’s Day.  That being said, I won’t be asking for any “special treatment” this Father’s Day.  I know what’s good for me!

But since pirates have been in the headlines so much, I hope you enjoy my picture of a pirate squirrel!

Cherish it!

I brought my 4 year old into work with me today since she didn’t have school.  As she usually does, she started to draw pictures.  I HAD to share this one with you…

Wanna take a stab at what it is?  Anyone?

In her words, “That’s just the money you could be saving with Geico.”

Yesterday was a day where I found myself very easily annoyed.  I said some rude things to people and may have even hurt some feelings.  But I woke up today with a new perspective.

I have a lot to be thankful for.  Every breath I take is a gift.  Life is a beautiful thing and should be cherished!  So, starting today, you will no longer be able to spell Danger without A-N-G-E-R.  My days of being angry and  jaded are behind me!  I hope you enjoy the new Mike Danger, everyone!

Cherish your precious life!