So, my renewed investment in health started last night. Let me start by saying that I LOVE The Downtown Fitness Club , John H. and his entire staff. Really. No one can tell me there is another place in town that can motivate you to get into better shape than the DFC. That said, I think this is a universal issue that crosses genders and isn’t health club specific.
When I’m working out, I mind my own business. Everything is cool. Lift a couple weights, run a couple miles. I’m back into my routine. All I have left to do is shower, change my clothes, grab my stuff from my locker, and head home for the night. Me time is within an arm’s reach and I’m feeling fantastic.
Throw my iPod in the bag, lean down to tie my shoes and I hear it. It sounds innocent enough, but the reality is much more sinister and disturbing.
“Some weather we’ve been having?” he comments out of the clear blue.
Here we go. It’s time to have the most boring conversation known to man. I should just ignore him. Can’t we talk about something else? Weather? Again? Really? There aren’t even any windows in this locker-room. What is it with old people and their endless conversations about weather? This repetitious discussion choice worries me. Is this where we head in life? Does life get so monotonous and dull, that your immediate surroundings are all that’s left to speak about? We live in Rochester, New York. What are you expecting?
Look, I understand that you’re lonely and all. I’ll talk to you and stuff, but we need to discuss something a little more… (I turn my head to look at him)
No way.
Why are you just standing there naked? I fully recognize that this is a locker room, and nudity comes with the territory, but you are not even making the slightest effort to grab a towel. Worse yet, you have your leg propped up on the bench, with your arms crossed. Are you THE Captain Morgan? This is horrible. My brain instantly severs the function of sight from my eyeballs. What happens in a man’s life between the ages of 26 and 87? What makes you feel it is perfectly appropriate to stand around locker-rooms naked in tough guy poses bitching about the weather? I have a very precise list of things that I have concluded are never acceptable for a man to see. Old man junk is on that list. Put those beanbags away before I kick them into your throat.
Listen… as long as your boys are hanging out, I am not going to discuss anything with you. I now fully understand the full spectrum of gun-control laws and why I shouldn’t be carrying one now. It’s time to get the hell out of here. Moving forward, I’ll be the guy sporting sunglasses in the locker-room as to avoid further retinal damage.
So today, I’m walking around like my father. Limping, straining, groaning.