I didn’t watch the Mtv Movie Awards last night.  Or last year.  Or the year before that.  Go ahead and throw in the Mtv Video Music Awards as well.  Sorry.

Honestly.  Has anyone else noticed that Mtv is one giant commercial?  It’s been this way for years.  There’s a word for what the MTV Movie Awards are.  That word is-infomercial.  And the only infomercials I like to watch have Billy Mays as your host.

Maybe I’m on to something.  Billy Mays hosts the MTV Awards from here on out…

“ZAC EFRON! YOU NEED A HAIRCUT? YOU NEED THE FLOWBEE!”

“MAGIC PUTTY WORKS SO WELL, IT EVEN SEALS HEIDI MONTAG’S MOUTH!”

“THAT TEA-BAG BRUNO JUST HIT EMINEM WITH IS A MESS.  CLEAN IT UP WITH KABOOM!”

Some of you may have already seen this on Moose’s blog.  A friend forwarded it to me yesterday.  So funny.

In case you didn’t know, I am half Spanish.  So when Penelope Cruz went bilingual during her acceptance speech for best supporting actress last night, I was able to instantly translate:

What she said:

I’m on a boat and
It’s going fast and
I got a nautical themed
pashmina afghan
I’m the king of the world
On a boat like Leo
If you’re on the shore,
then you’re sure not me-oh

I love my flat screen, plasma TV.  Glorious high definition programming.  That is, until I caught the Barbara Walters special before last nights Oscars and was horrified!

Obviously, the years have been rough on Mickey.  Some botched plastic surgery and battles with various demons would be my best guesses.

But I was even more surprised when I saw this reaction to Mickey Rourke on my facebook page:

“I don’t give a sh*t how nasty he is now…he is hot, hot, hot. Dirty nasty disgustingly HOT. Oh to run into harley davidson and the marlbobo man in their prime:) Sorry.”

Good Lord, really?  Anyone else find Mickey Rourke attractive?  Is it the fact that he’s considered such a “bad boy?”

Comment below.

As for my HDTV, I’ll be sticking to “The Golden Girls” from this point forward.  Bea Arthur=hotness!

Take it with a grain, but this site claims the reason Chris Brown beat Rihanna is due to the fact she gave him HERPES!
And how would Rihanna contract such a nasty disease?  Well, from Jay-Z of course!

Freaking ewwww…

Does that mean Beyonce has the Herp too?  Discuss.

By the way, NONE of this excuses what Chris Brown did to Rihanna.  There’s nothing more chicken-sh*t then beating a woman.