Until you watch Philippine inmates dancing to “Low” by Flo-Rida.

Sources Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013.

Unless we, as Americans, turn to alternative sources of entertainment, the ‘Hannah Montana’ star will soon be completely tapped out.

Please take a moment to view this important news piece.

When I first saw Simon Cowell hawking Leona Lewis as the next big pop sensation, I was a bit skeptical, since he was her manager. Biased a bit, aren’t we? Not to mention, she’s quite hot, so I was painting a picture that he was having a lovely part-time shag with his latest prodigy, pulling a Jay-Z/Rihanna tactic *wink wink*.

But once I heard her sing, it’s clear she can belt out a song. Then my natural inclination was to lump her into the same category as Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, so I’ve been sitting on the edge of my seat each day waiting for her to flash her cootchie, or end up in rehab. Because that’s what I live for.

But damn it. The girl is an angel. She was caught saying, “I don’t wear little miniskirts and low-cut tops. If you want to show your bits off, it’s up to you.” She also doesn’t eat any animal-related products. Nor does she drink. Or smoke. Or do drugs. Refuses to wear leather and doesn’t even like going out.

I was about ready to write her off as a nun and a lost cause until she revealed her idea of a wild night

“Playing Grand Theft Auto.’”

God, I think I’m in love.

Because New Kids are back.

I’ve pretty much given up on humanity.

Weezer’s new video features every internet “celebrity” you could imagine. You must watch. So good.

Oh, and check out the ’stache on Rivers Cuomo.  Tom Selleck would be proud!