My very own pair of…CLOWNSHOES!

So pumped!

Everybody’s tightening their belts with the economy doing what it’s doing.  Our family is no different.  There’s only one problem.  In our house, Sandy is so tight with our money, Suze Orman blushes.

Last night, Sandy told me she took the liberty of re-arranging some of our finances and savings.  Ok, fine.  I probably wouldn’t object, but maybe, just maybe, you should talk with me about it first, no?  That aside, she has also laid out a plan to cut spending in our house.  I feel like I’m married to a C.F.O.

Some proposed cuts include:

• Our Netflix account-We have the one movie at a time unlimited plan.  Pretty sure it’s the cheapest they offer.  Actually, I’m not too hung up on letting this go.  I’ve been sitting on our current DVD selection for over a month.  I just haven’t had time to watch.  However, I was looking forward to being able to watch Netflix directly on my XBox 360 when they roll that service out this fall.

• Dry cleaning-I usually dress like a scrub.  When I do dress more decent, I want to be fresh pressed, and looking like a million bucks.  I don’t iron clothes well.  And I don’t want to put that on Sandy.  However, she insists on ironing for me if we eliminate this expense.  Who am I to argue?
• Lunches-A couple times a week I like to get out of the office for lunch.  Sometimes you just need to break up the day, you know?  But, for the sake of our financial future, I have no issue with bringing leftovers in to work for lunch everyday.
• Video games-This is the deal breaker.  We’ve always had separate accounts and believe we can spend our money as we please.  Well, I enjoy playing video games.  I’m addicted to spending time in our basement.  Whether it’s to watch The Bears on Sunday or gaming on my XBox at night after everyone is asleep.  There are worse things I could be addicted to, right?

I am so against eliminating this spending, I am prepared to do chores around the house to earn an allowance.  Hey, if I’m going to engage in childish behavior, I should expect to be treated like a child.

A marriage is a partnership.  I don’t want to seem like I am not holding up my end.  So in order to save the video game line item, I am proposing a few other cuts in our household budget:

• No Halloween candy this year!  That’s right, instead of trick-or-treaters getting Reese’s cups, come by our house for a wide assortment of leftover hardware!  Everything from bolts to drywall anchors!  We’ve got it all and everything must go!

• Replace the Thanksgiving turkey with Thanksgiving Ramen!  The price of a turkey per pound is expensive!  Let’s transition to 25 cent Top Ramen!  If everyone enjoys it this year, maybe next year we’ll be treated with a low sodium selection!

• Driving.  Now that I have run a marathon,  why wouldn’t I just run to work every day?  It’s easy, right?
• Toilet paper.  Over rated and pricey.  Next case.

Let’s use the stuff Chuck Norris uses!

“I’m Having A Relapse”

Mature audience, for this is not a radio edit.

Leaders need to eat

Looks like a corn on the cob

Kittens are tasty

Your turn.  Post a haiku in the comment section.

I had a friend in high school who my mom hated.  She never forbid me from hanging out with him, she just strongly discouraged it.

Mom was right.

Thanks to Facebook, I caught up with my buddy for the first time in years.  Pretty much a train wreck.

Listen to you mom.  She’s wiser than you think.

Oh, and Joe The Plumber (just thought it was time to say that).

A game-changing Halloween costume.  You’re welcome.

Cowboy hat, Darth Vader mask, flannel long sleeved shirt, jeans, cowboy boots, six string acoustic guitar=Darth Brooks.

3 weeks to the night is when our country will participate in the most historic election ever.  And yet, I still find it odd this guy hasn’t taken a stab at the presidency…

Womanizer-Director’s cut.

She’s nekkid.

• I give you women a ton of credit.  We wore heels Saturday for 98 PXY’s “Walk a Mile In Her Shoes.”  I don’t know how/why you would put yourself through that kind of torture.  By all means, don’t EVER feel like you need to wear heels to impress me.  I’ve got blisters within my blisters and my calves feel like they were assaulted with a 2×4.  Check the video on Sandy’s blog here.

• Props to a major fast food chain which will remain nameless.  We went to a location on West Ridge Road because Leah wanted a toy with her lunch.  WOW!  I didn’t know if I should eat lunch or pull up a chair and work on my Apple laptop.  They have transformed this restaurant into, what felt like, a Starbucks.

• Sandy is cheap.  I have accepted this.  Maybe you heard about this on the show this morning.  We went to a pumpkin patch so our daughter could make a memory.  Only thing is when it came time to pay for that memory, Sandy squashed it.  I don’t know, maybe I’m an idiot, but I’ll PAY for an experience.  In this case the experience of picking out the perfect Halloween pumpkin.  I don’t think you get the same kind of memory picking out a pumpkin at say…Aldi.  Again, maybe it’s me.

• It’s official.  I hate mowing our lawn.  I used to say I would never get a riding mower.  Well, after spending over 4 hours working on it on Saturday, I’m shifting.  I mean, really?  4 hours of my weekend MOWING?

• Sandy and I got to go out to dinner by ourselves Saturday night.  The only reason we got to go out for dinner was because Sandy had a gift certificate (see point 3).  The median age of the place we went to had to be around 83.  Wow, were we out of place.  Nothing but old, rich people talking about how much money they made in the past, and what they used to pay for a housekeeper.  The best part of the night was the waiter chasing after us as we walked out because I forgot to sign the bill.  My bad.

• The Chicago Bears have the ability to completely ruin my day.

• My Fantasy Football team has the ability to ease some of the pain.  That, and beer.

I may come across as insensitive for a second here, but I don’t care.

The fact is I consider myself tolerant when it comes to Rochester’s homeless population.  I am sympathetic to a point.  And if I cross paths with a creative homeless individual, such as:

See also:

I might actually give up a buck.  I know times are tough.  Everyone is feeling the crunch of our economic crisis.  All that being said, what happened to me at lunch yesterday crosses the line and I have to share it with you.

One of my buddies needed to pay up on a bet we made through our Fantasy Football league.  Side note:  My team is still undefeated.  I may not lose a single game this year.  The terms of the bet were simple.  If he won, I would have had to buy him a delicious burrito for lunch.

We’re standing at the bar/counter, waiting for our food, and discussing guy stuff, when this guy walks in.  For a second I thought he may have actually been a patron.  Then he came over and stood by us.

He didn’t really say anything at first.  He just stood there.  Almost as if he wanted us to feel obligated to buy him some chips and guacamole.

So he’s just standing there making us all feel uncomfortable, and I start to prod a little.

“What’s up?”  “Do you need something?”  “Can we help you?”

These are questions that all came out of my mouth.  Now, if he would have answered by asking for a quarter, a dollar, or a chimichanga, I may have felt generous enough to help out a crack-head who’s down on his luck.  But that didn’t happen.

This was a homeless guy who didn’t know how to be a homeless guy.

After a few minutes of him trying to make friendly with us, while not asking us for anything, I finally bite.  “Dude, what’s your name?”, I ask.

His answer will remain legendary for years to come.

He pauses…looks at me sideways as if I asked him to solve a difficult math equation…pauses some more, and comes up with…

“Big Cheese”

Well, that set us off.  We all start asking to see Big Cheese’s I.D., because somehow we don’t believe that’s his real name.  I mean, think about it.  This guy didn’t do a single thing right to try and panhandle us.  And to top it off he’s a liar, and a bad one at that!

Again, I try to be sympathetic.  I try to think that if I help out a homeless person they aren’t going to blow it on drugs or booze.  Well, after Big Cheese, I am convinced.  They only want my money for booze or drugs.

So, Big Cheese continues to hang around until our food arrives.  I have absolutely no intention of eating my succulent burrito with Big Cheese staring at me.  At this point, he still hasn’t asked us for anything, and I am getting more aggravated by the second.  I finally snap, “Look, Big Cheese, do you need something? Because we’re just trying to enjoy our lunch.”

Big Cheese looks at me like he wants to do something, but doesn’t.  He turns and walks out.  I am shaking with anger.  Not just because my burrito experience had been tainted, but because I expected more out of Big Cheese.

I mean, when you are Big Cheese I’ve gotta think you can walk in to Xerox and demand an interview for the C.E.O. position.  That is the kind of tenacity that makes Big Cheese…well, Big Cheese.  But we did not see that.  Not today.  Big Cheese was clearly having an “off” day.

Maybe next time, Big Cheese.  Just maybe.